As I hit the bed at night, I wept like a baby. I remember regretting A LOT. My brain just couldn’t stop overthinking. There were so many questions in my head. And I had no answer. I felt very vulnerable, lying down with my face buried in the dirty pillow. The hotel was poorly maintained, and it was spooky too. My first few days in Bali didn’t go well as I expected… I’ve already mentioned in my previous blogs about the SOS alert in Bali and how it came as terrible blow to my confidence.

My first day in Bali was super tiring because of my really bad jet lag. I went out to have dinner on a humongous table at Jimbaran bay. I felt a little “out of place” since I was the only person who dined alone by candlelight at the beach restaurant. All others were either couples or families. Super awkward lol. I gobbled up the entire palette of seafood and hurried back to the spooky hotel which was no big deal in the beginning.

The reason why I cried on my first solo trip…

The next day, I hired a taxi and went around the touristy places without any local guide’s help. It was so awakening to do everything on my own. I made friends with my taxi driver. He dropped me at the wildlife sanctuary, and gave me a couple of hours time. It was all positive vibes until I met an elderly couple from India. They were shocked to know that I travelled alone. I explained how I consider solo travelling as a remarkable feat. They were not convinced, and even felt sorry for me! However, I didn’t get much further in actually convincing them. I carried on with my journey. But I sure was little disheartened.

By the time I got back to hotel, I was already thinking about the conversation I had with the couple. The hotel seemed VERY spooky now. Everything seemed different this time. I started viewing things from a new perspective. I suddenly felt very unsafe. It was midnight, and I couldn’t find any sleep. I was in bed with lights on, praying for my safety. My head started to pave the way for random thoughts. I felt very lonely. And that felt like a failure. At that point, I was already in tears… I curled up on the bed, crying to sleep.

Well, hello Wonder Woman!

It was already morning when I woke up to the sound of the door bell. I was still not over my insecurities yet. However, I opened the door with my face looking all blotchy from crying. There was a lady attendant at the door to let me know that my taxi driver was waiting in the lobby. She looked at me and asked if I was okay. And that was the triggering point for me to accidentally start crying. She quickly came into my room, gently hugged me and made me to calm down. I told her about how I felt. She was really kind enough to explain how the hotel was safe. Her English was so soothing to listen even though it was a bit difficult to understand. She also told me that I inspired her to travel alone.

The overall situation made me to realise how someone’s negativity can leave a bad influence on us. If only I had not met the couple at the sanctuary, I wouldn’t have had a crazy night. Thankfully, I was normal again after my conversation with the attendant. How I wish I remembered the lady’s name! Balinese names are difficult to remember…

My first solo trip to Bali is close to my heart for so many reasons. I wouldn’t say it was an awesome trip. But it sure was an emotional roller coaster!